A moment away from "Happiness"

A friend of mine on facebook has this in her photo album, and I felt compelled to use it. Recently its come to my attention that I am a horrible friend because I don't go visit, or call or email.. it was kind of a slap in the face because unlike this clipping, the friend also has a child. I've also been told by a family member in the past that I could pick up the phone and call more often.

I have so many things I'm feeling about this, because I find it highly unfair to judge me based on my lack of communication. One thing, I don't have my phone ringing off the hook, the phone works both ways. and I have a kid that loves talking on the phone, so if I attempt to make a personal call, or even a call to a bill collector, here comes my wonderful 5 year old trying to grab the phone out of my hand to talk to whoever, even if he doesn't know the person..you should see him when he DOES know the person. So most of the time if I want to have a uninterrupted phone call to someone to "chat" it usually has to be after his bedtime, and by that time, all I want to do is take a shower and wind down..So by the time I take care of that, it's late..and who wants a phone call at 9-10pm at night? My working friends and family are usually in bed by then, and my friends and family with kids usually have kids in bed by then. I would end up taking backlash at calling so late. I don't own a cell phone because we have no money to splurge on it, so I can't randomly call someone while I'm out walking my dog, or mopping the floor, which I can't anyways, because I just am not coordinated enough to talk on the phone and mop at the same time, I'll end up dropping the phone in the mop water. I can't even go to the bathroom in piece by myself, let alone sneak in there with a phone. And if you know me, even a little bit, you know that I just am NOT a phone talker. I hate the phone with a passion.

I do spend some time each day on facebook, but if I sat down and emailed or commented on every single friend and family member's facebook, it would take me all day. The house isn't going to get cleaned by itself, and dinner doesn't make itself, and errands and chores don't get done by magically wiggling my nose. And because I am at home, and my husband is working hard every day, I at least attempt each day to get something productive done, even if its just cleaning one room in the house, or doing every single piece of laundry, including folding and putting away. and I only have from 7:30am-2:00pm each day to do this, before my five year old comes home and demands every second of my time, unless I can find something to occupy him with, and him being a single child, with no children his age around here, except the 2 year old boy across the street, he doesn't have a playmate to play with, so mommy is it.

As for visiting..I live in the middle of nowhere, we are a one car family, with bills up the wahoo and one income coming in. Am I supposed to drop my life and my child to figure out how to take the votran on what usually would be a 45 minute drive in my car, instead turning out to be a 4 hour votran ride, just for a lunch? I've lived in this house for one whole year now, and have yet to have a single visitor. I'm home all day, cooped up with no way to drive anywhere, even if I desperately need to go to a grocery store, why can't those mudslingers come visit me?

I was a single mother for a long time, and now I'm not, but my husband is away more than he's home, and when he's home, my time is spent running this household and trying to remember where he or my son put every single doodad and whatsit, preparing them for the next day, or just plain spending time with him. We are newly married still, we were only married in May, we haven't quite settled down into that boring routine where I might not want to spend every waking moment with him, and I hope we never do "settle down" like that, because I would hope that we can keep some sort of excitement in our lives. So while it's just a little bit easier for me to drop stuff and come running because I have a live in babysitter.. it's really not that much easier, it's harder. I have a family now, and as much as I enjoy spending time with friends and family, I can't just up and disappear whenever I'm called, it's unfair to my son, and it's unfair to my husband who works all day, gets up at 4am, get's home at 6pm and doesn't quite have the energy to deal with the nightly hassle of bathtime, story time and household stuff by himself. plus he works 45 minutes away, and we spend a million bucks a week on gas..I don't have the money for another 45 minute trip away and back.

All I'm saying is, family and friends are supposed to be there for you through thick and thin, I would hope that a little understanding, and patience would be expected. And realizing that sometimes there's just NOT enough time in the day to do everything plus stay on top of relationships. Life tends to get away from me. But surely is that enough reason to dismantle a friendship or cause a family feud?