Quiet here

It's quiet here, which is nice. My aunt Betsy from Georgia came into town for Christmas, with her boyfriend Mark.. last night they stopped in for visitation with us, took us out to a nice dinner, and even took stephen off of our hands for a night! so we were kidless! had to go to walmart to buy soap for the showering stuff, and laundry stuff, then we came home and watched tv..the new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, which I think Johnny Depp is just plain creepy in that movie. Then went to bed. I got up this morning and no stephen..its just quiet..too quiet maybe? I found myself talking to myself outloud just to hear something. LOL it's nice though, a nice little vacation for me for a few hours?

A drama filled Christmas

Christmas has come and gone. It was a nice Christmas. It turned out really well. Jesses kids got to have a great christmas, Stephen had a great christmas, and both my hubby and I had one. And I'm already done with putting everything away except the outside lights. All traces of Christmas is out of our house, except a few new toys that are on the living room floor that stephen is playing with.

I just want to take a minute to rant, because I was recently told not to post personal things on facebook, to write a personal diary. Technically a blog is a personal diary..I treat it like one. so I need to fill it up with a lot of curse words today.

Jesses ex totally caused a bit of a disaster during christmas. We got there with the toys, she was ticked off, her face got red, and she got all up in my face yelling to get out of her house I'm not welcome to her kids, or allowed to be on her property, she was going to call the cops if I didn't leave the property and come back at 12:30. I called her bluff and sat outside on her property in the car. she even thought she was cute by putting a tiny padlock on the sliding gate. If I really wanted to get in there its easy enough to climb the gate. Seriously now. God I wanted to go off on her so bad, but I refused to sink to her level in front of the kids.

Yesterday evening the kids called crying cause they wanted their daddy, Jesse turned the speaker phone on so I could hear her in the background telling the kids that he's not coming over. So jesse decided to just go over. proove her wrong. she called back and I answered, which lead to a good half hour of her going off on me and me going off on her, her basically calling me a horrible person because I went to charity and put her kids names on the list and took a bike away from some other poor kid. first of all, you do not need to know my finances, but you can't just walk into a charity and walk out with toys, you have to qualify for it. If they thought we were rich enough they wouldn't have given us free bikes and groceries now would they. she tried to say ALL the toys came from a charity and I was scum for passing them off as gifts from us. uhm okay..not that it's any of your buisness but I had help from my dad to get them gifts. She said jesse never used to want to spoil the kids but now every time he goes to see them he brings gifts, he never did that until he met me, she claimed I was trying to buy their love. first of all..jesse is his own man, if he buys gifts for HIS kids, thats on him. second of all, it was CHRISTMAS! of course we're going to get gifts for the kids. Then she said because every gift came from charity she was going to turn around and give them all away. You're going to take toys from your kids hands and give them away?? who does she think she's kidding?

She brought up some incident 7-8 months ago where apparently all I did was hang around outside the gate when I knew darn well I was not welcome on her property. um okay? I was picking up my husband? What else was I supposed to do, drop my car off, walk away and have him come pick me up? PUHLEASE. Then she started turning the fact that he doesn't see the kids on me, and him, and the kids are going to grow up hating their father. Excuse me? he went 6 months without seeing the kids in spite of calling her every day trying to arrange it. she's all, I did not get calls, and I have CALLER ID. like she's all big and bad that she's got caller ID, well..so do we..and I did not see her number ONCE show up trying to find out where he was.

She even brought up my MIL trying to tell me that she talks to her all the time, and Robin tells her everything about our relationship. Why does she even care, she's just the baby mama? im the WIFE. Jesse talked to his mom and his mom said she doesn't tell her nothing.

She plays her little games, gets him to go over later on at night, probably tells the kids to ask him to stay the night, then tells them he can't because he has to get home to his family. She gets him to come over, and since it's so late at night, he should just stay over. so he has to explain to the kids why he can't stay the night. making him look like the bad guy.

I've been stewing about this for a for a little bit, and I do need to sit down and talk to my HUSBAND about it. Every time he goes over there he comes back telling me how she bad mouths me and stuff, I did nothing to her, I married the man she thinks she owns, thats all I did. I think I need to talk to jesse about getting her to just shut up. Stand up to her and tell her to back off, he loves his wife, he's not leaving her, do not say one more negative thing about her in front of him, or the kids, when he comes over he wants nothign to do with her, just the kids, which is the reason he's there. cause now she's thinking she's going to bring her hatered into my house? I let her go on and on in the phone, gave it right back to her, maybe she thinks she can control this situation and she won a battle or something? but guess what honey..im still the WIFE.

I just don't understand how people can be like that? I must have had it lucky, I came from a broken home, and my dad and mom because they had me in common, so they became friends, and everything was hunky dory. She's just got this big stick shoved up her butt or soemthing. I dont know. I'd give anything to be able to have jesse let his kids stay over here, or come visit. It's so sad that I can't even get to know my own step children. My son can't play with his stepsiblings, cause even when they do get together they have fun playing. All because of one woman's twisted view of the world. I just don't get it?

So now that i've vented to someone other than my husband, im going to go finish building pirate things for my son that santa so annoyingly got him without bothering to build it for him :P

Dreams

I had some very weird very vivid dreams last night. A crappy night of sleep which I woke up like every hour it seemed like, but in between wake-ups, I had some disturbing vivid dreams. Most of them I don't remember. The more recent ones from this morning I do. I had dreams of people in my past, that aren't really connected with me, we were never friends. School mates..Some of them I didn't even really go to high school with, I think one of them I was in elementary school only, maybe middle? don't remember. Made me wonder, cause occasionally I do have a blast from the past dream, if these people ever dream of me? What do they dream? I can probably figure out the meaning of some of my dreams, like last night I had a dream that I went to Halloween horror nights at universal studios, only it was during the day, Jesse and I went, and we ran into his ex and two kids. I dreamed that he went in with them and spent the day with them, while I hooked up with my friends and wondered where he was. I think my subconscious was telling me that he'd rather be with his ex and kids than with me some times. but one of my dreams had a elementary school classmate, I think her name was Melissa, she was at my old house that I grew up in, and I was chatting with her about everything, like we were best buds. I have no idea why she even entered my dreams and why we were friends? I don't know, I know when I was in college I was taught that dreams are the minds way of getting rid of stuff floating around in our subconsciousness, but if that were true, then why dream it at all? cause i remember a lot of my dreams, so now whatever was at the bottom of my mind, is now at the top of my mind, cause it has me wondering all of this stuff. who knows? I certainly don't.

How to stop feeling guilty?

Everyone is going through tough times right now. And the amount of people who are seeking help from strangers is growing. I myself personally HATE to ask anyone for help, but when I sat down and thought about it, and wondered just how on EARTH I was going to be able to give Stephen a nice Christmas, plus my two stepchildren? I started asking for help. Some people feel like sometimes I put too much out there, on here, on facebook, in person.. I talk about how we're struggling. I reached out for help this season, and I'm proud to say that we're going to have a nice Christmas. It's all worked out. Stephen has gotten a christmas gift from two facebook friends, and an angel tree, and my neighbor. There are presents that are slowly but surely showing up under the tree, and Santa has a few more to bring us.

My neighbor was there the morning after the accident, she brought me to the wrecker to view my car, and has come over several times to see how we're doing. She brought us some beef stew one night, and lent me some laundry detergent the next. She was there listening to me freak out on the way to the wrecker about everything from rent to the job situation. And apparently she added my name to a list. She is a member of some Dolphin Club in new smyrna beach (fitting considering I LOOOOVE dolphins!) and they sponsor several families to bring food to for thanksgiving and christmas. she added my name to the list of families, she told me about it, but I wasn't expecting anything because they already reached their quota. this morning they showed up with two boxes of food, a turkey, milk, eggs, butter, all kinds of canned goods, various stuff that would make a really good christmas dinner. and a package of instant sugar cookies to bake. they also brought three presents wrapped for stephen which went under the tree, i have no idea what they are..stephen saw them otherwise santa woulda brought them.

on the 24th, we're going to the police department I had submitted stephens name for toys and groceries to the police department, they might have something for us there too..

and though things are shaping up to a really good christmas, I can't help but feel guilty, that i had asked for help, when so many more people out there have it way worse than we do..who are living in tents, or have no power, or no vehicle or no christmas tree or one present under a twig. we have a lot of stuff in this house, things that we've accumulated over the years, and that family has given to us. appearances show that we've got a lot of nice stuff, but our food cabinets are bare. our bank is empty, and bills are stacking up.. but we still have stuff..a lot of people don't have anything. ive tried selling stuff or pawning, but people just aren't buying and pawn shops are overloaded with things. I'm trying to stop feeling guilty, cause we do need the help, we weren't going to have christmas dinner until they brought stuff over. I'm trying to be thankful for everything that everyone has done for me, not just recently but ever, in my lifetime. there are just SO many people out there who need help, I swear, when we get back on our feet, next christmas my plan is to donate, I want to sponsor one family and feed them dinner, and supply some presents..I really do. hopefully we will be back on our feet. im hoping.

Netflix and other randomness

Countdown time is crunching on the day that I will suspend my netflix account. Money woes. *sigh* Me and Netflix have been on very personal terms for so many years now. And its one of the few things that kept me sane, especially during 2am breastfeeding and late nights and boredom. And now, as money is getting insanely tight, tighter than I thought possible..it's starting to look like I may have to cut back on my one splurge to myself and my family each month. Netflix has been so good to me, and continues to be so good to me, in fact, I just discovered that they are very very rapidly putting out closed caption on a lot of movies in their instant streaming movie database, and I cannot tell you how excited I am about this. but it looks like we may be parting ways, right when netflix is starting to make it to my favoritest thing ever invented. (and yes, favoritest is a word, I don't care what you say!)

One of the top things on my christmas list, and one of the things im 100% sure I will not get..a nook. I want a nook. not just any nook, but the 3g wifi nookcolor. when they first started coming out with readers like that, I scoffed and swore I would never touch it. I love my books too much, the paper, the feel, the comfort of snuggling in bed with a light and book and the smell of a new book, or used book. I love browsing a book store. but darned if I dont feel that intense feeling of total desire of want for a nookcolor. I want one. DARNIT! the convenience of being able to browse and read a book while waiting in a 2 hour line of a angel tree line would be so totally awesome. being able to put it in my purse and dragging it out in the middle of a store or whatever, to read a few lines while waiting for someone to finish shopping? I hope that people always buy paper books, but at the same time, the awesomeness of being able to get a book at the drop of a hat in the middle of a parking lot, and reading it, it's just awe inspiring.

I've been job hunting. every job searching site out there has my resume. and I haven't had any biters yet. But today something very annoying happened. I got a phone call from some lady named Deb, in Jacksonville, who wanted me to attend a interview in lake mary on monday at 9am. she couldn't tell me what the hours, or what the pay was, she could only tell me that its a sales position. It all sounded very weird, she said she got my resume off of monster.com. so as soon as we hung up, I googled it, and came across a bunch of people talking about this, turns out its a big scam. I'm like wtf? WHY!? there are so many people out there who need a job, why would someone try and take advantage of people who are really trying? what if I drive all the way out to lake mary and find a bunch of people trying to get me to give them my money to buy some sort of time share or something. i dont understand it. It's completely incomprehensible to me how someone can sink that low? I don't know. maybe ill start up a scam like that. Ill call a bunch of people with a job interview and get them to come here where ill try and get them to give me money. I'd probably get shot.

And kudos again to my mother, because I dont know how she did the whole santa/christmas thing with me around. how she managed to work a full time job, be a single mom, even when she was married to my dad, and still manage to keep me surprised on christmas morning. i have a few toys here for stephen, and I really need to wrap them, i've moved my hiding spots all around the house every so often and trying to find a night to sit down and wrap everything is impossible. she always had the coolest stocking stuffers too, and there is just NO way I can possibly live up to that. I walked around walmart 500 million times and still couldn't find the coolest stocking stuffer ever. i miss my mom, im going to miss her super cool stocking stuffers this year.

Hi, me again!

So..Christmas is on the verge of being here, and as prepared as I thought I might be, I'm not. I miss the days where I had no worries, my biggest worry was what present might Santa give me? Could I get away with eating one more cookie, and leave Santa one less? I haven't said it enough, but I really do give BIG kudos out to my mom, I have no idea how she did it. I was the most annoying greedy little girl ever, and I should apologize to my mom until my dying breath about it. I don't know how she was able to do it all, the buying, the wrapping, the hiding gifts. And I don't know if I just blocked the memories, but I have no memory of finding any presents from Santa, or being so astute to my surroundings that I questioned every little thing Santa did? Stephen has found one present from Santa, has questioned the Elf on the Shelf, and has a memory like you wouldn't believe..I don't know how I thought I could get away with passing one of his presents off as to his stepbrothers. A month after I bought it he still remembers the present, how could I possibly stick it under the tree and explain it away to Santa?

Today is my last day of peace and quiet. Today is it. Then I have a 5 year old all day long. If I end the two week period of 5 year old watching with hair left on my head, I will be very surprised. Yesterday he did do me proud though, I cleaned the living room and kitchen and mopped and swept and cloroxed my heart out, and Stephen "helped" needless to say, it might have been more productive if he HADN'T but at least he tried? I woulda cleaned more than just those two rooms if he was content with playing outside.

This month has been particularly rough on me, Christmas aside. And I am more than ready to get the year over with. I have a feeling next year won't be any less dramatic or stressful, but one hopes. Jesse (my husband) got into a car accident, with our only form of transportation. He walked away with a broken sternum, I'm happy it wasn't more serious..but my poor baby car walked away more damaged. The exterior was surprisingly good, but the engine has suffered. We needed to replace the radiator, we needed to replace the fan, we still need to fix the starter, the headlights (which work, but you have to drive with highbeams and one side is brighter than the other and the blinkers are weird), the airbag needs replaced, the seatbelts need unlocked, and we need to eventually replace the air conditioning. poor car. I love that car, she's amazing, it was the first car I bought on my own for myself that I bought because I wanted it. I had a saturn ion coupe before but it wasn't what I'd really truely wanted. my saturn vue was. The damage was minimal to what could have been done, I think she held up pretty good in the wreck. I think the accidents I've gone through with my vehicles, so far the Honda was the best, and the Saturn held her own also. So if you are car shopping, those two were commendable in a car accident. Jesse is doing okay, considering. He's gone back to work, and has been hard at work fixing the car..and he's doing it all with a broken sternum. I know that he's trying very hard, and I appreciate it.

I'm all typed out, it's cold in here, my fingers are freezing and its hard to type LOL. I will type later, I'd like to go back to blogging more on a regular basis.

Sorry!

okay..just wanted to apologize to everyone for my constant woe is me LOL i think this time of the year is the WORST. and it seems like its just harder this year than normal, because my mom wont be in town, and economicwise and all that. im trying to keep positive it's probably going to be hard LOL but im trying!

i called student loans, it just started up again..it was deferred the past six months..i cant afford to pay it right now, and my unemployment runs out either this week or december 15th..not sure, i think i might have ONE more week to claim then its done. so anywyas about the student loan.I got the paperwork for that filled out and in the mailbox ready to go, hopefully it'll continue to be deferred.

I called toys for tots to try once again to get on the list, but i think it'll probably be too late. I was hoping if i dropped my maiden name in some conversations i'll get somewhere (shame on me! but sometimes my family has influence in this town) and i just found out that my dad had invited all of my stepsisters to the margarita ball this year..which is a charity event for toys for tots where you are required to bring 50.00 worth of toys to this tux and gown event..its exclusive and invite only all the rich people go there every year. anyways my two uncles, two aunts, dad, stepmom, cousin and his wife and their 18 year old daughter, my two stepsisters and their husbands all got to go, so i figured with that many family members maybe my maiden name would be like ohh yeah they are the ones that all brought all those toys! but i got the run around and ended up having to leave another message. i bet they are swamped. the whole margarita ball thing is a sore spot. maybe dad didn't invite me because he didnt want me to stress out about a dress and buying a toy to bring or whatever. i should be used to being excluded, no matter what good intentions there are. and it kills me that at 29 years of age, things like that still hurt. thing is, i would have liked to have been asked. I do have a dress. does dad really think i like seeing him all beeming and smiley at the arms of his family while i sat at home clueless that this was even going on? i thought i was supposed to be a part of that family as well, it would have been nice to have been at least invited, if anything i coulda had the chance to say yes i'd love to go, or no, i can't right now. to be thought of is a lot better than being left out totally. whatever, ill get over it. anyways..

i called the city police department..jesse told me that they donate toys and stuff around the city..and since our city is like so tiny that if you blink you drive through it, maybe i'd have better chance than toys for tots..so the chief of police is supposed to call me back to give me details. i was gunna ask her too if i could donate stephesn toys, the old ones that he never plays with that are still in excellent shape.

so ive gotten a little bit accomplished so far today! put itn a few new job apps that i saw opened up on some of the websites i usually job hunt. i need a fax machine lol life would be so much easier.

It's looming..

Halloween is a thing of the past..Thanksgiving has come and gone, and now here we are, down to the final countdown, the big huge Mack Truck is on its way to run me over. actually it feels like it already has. it's day one of that stupid month that has come upon me way too quick. Christmas decorations are slowly but surely coming together. But I am WAY too bah humbug to care about it. I turn on the radio hoping to get into the mood, and all I want to do is throw the radio into the river. Santa Baby can just go drown himself in the Halifax River (unless he brings me all that I want..and Im not asking much..not like Marilyn Monroe was).

On the surface everything is coming along smoothly. Decorations are going up, Rocko is back (our elf on the shelf) and a few things have been bought.

I have completed some shopping. I went out on black friday not in the wee hours of the morning like some people do, but I was out. I got a few things with the few dollars I had..mostly it was for my stepchildren, not that I will get the privilege of watching them open what I so carefully picked out. Which I'm starting to get a little bit bitter about..I always have been, but I tried to stay out of it, let my husband and the ex deal with issues with themselves, cause every time I try to help nothing really happens. Apparently she doesn't want me around much, probably cause she wants to sink her ugly fat claws back into my husband again..but whatever. So in the meantime, the innocent bystanders are the children and me. They will probably think that I'm keeping their daddy away from them, and eventually come to resent and hate me (ahh..the memories of being the stepdaughter) but thats a whole other rant...the situation with the ex and kids and me and jesse.

so anyways..I did do a little shopping, got a few things for jesses kids and managed to sneak one or two small things in the cart for Stephen. nothing exciting mostly stuff that is $1, small stuff..but the way things are looking stephen probably won't get much:( but at least he'll get a few things from some family/friends. My hope though is to raise enough money to at least get one of the big ticket items on his list so that "santa" can bring him what he wants for christmas.

I had a hard thanksgiving, I spent most of it by myself cooking because jesse went to spend a few hours with his kids and stephen spent a few hours outside with the dirt. My first thanksgiving without my mom, or my dad really..it was very hard. Very emotional, I cried a lot, and while the dinner turned out pretty good, and it was a nice dinner to have as our first thanksgiving as a family, but it was sad that i couldnt see my family:( Christmas is going to be even worse for me I think. At least I'll see my dad, but it's going to be hard, and I really am not looking forward to it.

and right now, with our bank account negative, rent due today, bills all due up, and the big holiday coming up, I just want to bury my head underground and wait until january 1st comes up to surface. i'm stressed out wondering how I'll be able to buy sugar for the cookies I usually make for Christmas, let alone some 40 dollar toy stephen absolutely MUST have from santa. things will work out, they have a way of doing so, but right now i feel like im staring down a huge Mack Truck with no chance of escape. *sigh*

relaxing day before thanksgiving

Today was fun, started off by cleaning my kitchen and eating area to prepare for tomorrow, and started making cookies. I found this cute little cookie recipe in a cookbook, i used cardboard to trace my sons hand, as a cookie cutter type shape. with his hands i would trace into the dough and make handshaped cookies, and color the fingers different colors and the body brown and make it a turkey looking thing. the start of the recipe required mixing things then cooling it in the fridge for 2 hours..stephen sat at the kitchen table with a bunch of thanksgiving printouts i printed out for him, coloring and cutting them out to "decorate" our house for thanksgiving, he was so cute and so helpful. when i started rolling and cutting the cookies out he had to have his own little batch of dough and cut his own cookies out. he was too cute. after i was done my neighbor who has a 2 year old boy came over for a little while, he and stephen played for a long time while the neighbor and I chatted. I had a lot of fun with my adult conversation. she is a little bit younger than me, and i found out way too much about the personal life of her family, but I enjoyed it. It was refreshing. she had to leave, her son is still in the nap phase..so i finished cooking and decorating my cookies, which came out okay..i havent tasted them yet, hopefully they are decent tasting. they look kinda cute, of course when i covered it with foil i screwed up some of the decorations, but i got pictures before I did that.

just as i started cleaning up she came back over, and i changed out of my flour covered clothes, and we went down to the park, talked for a while then made it over to the basketball court and shot hoops. I used to love playing basketball, so did she..it's been years since i've played, but i had a lot of fun, and man im worn out.

jesse made it to work late today and forgot his grocery list that i gave him, so while we were on our way home, jesse drove by..then we went and braved the grocery store, the day before thanksgiving. it was insane. got what i needed and we went home. i cooked dinner, the neighbor came back over to borrow our shower (her water pump busted it's being fixed right now though) and chatted some more, then left. Shes gunna swing by tomorrow with her son to spend a few minutes of thanksgiving with us.

it was really fun to play basketball, of course im sore now. no exercise. hehe, but i think we might try getting together in the mornings after stephen is off to school and start walking..both of us want to get some exercise, and with the two of us it's a little more safer in this neighborhood.

right now im online printing out recipes for tomorrow and stressing about it, what to cook and when, but i'm kinda excited to cook my first every thanksgiving dinner, hopefully it will turn out alright.

Thanksgiving

It's that time of year, the time where you are supposed to sit down and engorge yourself on food that someone else makes, that you don't have to worry about cooking and cleaning, and reflect on all the things you are thankful for. That's how it's supposed to be. darnit. how did I get wrapped up in one big stressful ball about how to cook a turkey and all the side trimmings by myself? All these years of eating other peoples food has left me spoiled. This year, even though I was invited to my stepsisters house by my dad..we had already bought the turkey and planned on a small dinner here with my husband and son. And the bottom line too? we have no money. one account is negative like 200 dollars and the other has like 2 dollars. Even though it may upset my dad, and maybe my extended stepfamily, but I fully support our decision to stay home because we just don't have the gas. And jesse has to drive 45 minutes to and from work for the next few days. He's off on thursday but has to work friday and saturday. So with our limited amount of money I spent all night tossing and turning trying to figure out what kind of traditional thanksgiving meal I can prepare, and how exactly to prepare it. After printing out a bunch of coupons, and scouring the internet for recipes for my moms marshmallow sweet potatoe thingie that jesse loved last year, I have sent my husband on the errand of Publix grocery store after work, and I anxiously await his arrival home tonight and hope that he followed me instructions to the T so that we can have everything we need on our 14 dollar budget I prepared for him with our remaining cash that we had on hand..otherwise I'm going to stress more, and get a hernia. In the midst of the stress about the thanksgiving im preparing for the first time ever, and thinking about the upcoming holiday that arrives way too soon in December and how unprepared we are for it, I'm having a hard time remembering the things that I am thankful for. So here is a short but sweet list of things that I can think of at the top of my head. some of my friends on facebook have been going on a daily "thankful" tangent, every day they list something they are thankful for in their status, I haven't been able to do this because of my lack of a computer..so I will take the time now to list, or try to list, 25 things I am thankful for.

1) my family- my son, husband, my mom, my dad, my grandma, and everyone else.
2) my friends- i've lost touch with so many of them, and so many of them I get the sense that I might have lost them all together. But I am thankful for them, Christina, who recently helped me out in a big way in my time of need a few weeks ago (was it a few weeks ago?) time is flying and getting out of hand. my misfit mom friends, who may provide a light in my dismal christmas coming up, by arranging a angel tree for our misfit moms group, and Stephens name is on it. He may just get a few things on christmas morning.
3) Publix- for their lovely sales and their wonderful .49/lb turkey sale they had a few weeks ago, allowing me to prepare a dinner for my family.
4) Dr. Pepper- for getting me through the last few days
5) My dreams- dreaming about the roomba that I want, and the day that someone invents some kinda ionic scanner thing that you push a button and it automatically sucks dust out of a room so that you don't have to constantly clean dust up.
6) coupons- Dear Coupons, I couldn't have made it through the year without you, my family and their bellies thank you.
7) CVS- see #6 exempting the belly part, and submitting "my family and their underarms and hairy legs and everything else thank you"
8) my dog- because my dog has this internal radar that alerts her to when I'm about to have one big fat slobbery cryfest, and she knows just when to lick or hug me (yes, my dog loves to give hugs)
9) the internet- for which without it, I would never talk to anyone, I am absolutely HORRIBLE about picking up the phone. and the internet is what keeps me in touch with my mom.
10) my turkey roaster- i have no idea how I acquired it, but I love it. It's the bright light of my tomorrow.
11) my mom- I already posted her, but after thinking about it, I wanted to post her on her own separate number. I am thankful for her giving me life, I'm thankful for all that she's done and sacrificed for me, I'm thankful that she's still breathing, I'm thankful for who she is, and that she did her best to raise me right. I'm not thankful for the distance she has between us right now, but I am thankful that she's still there if I need to pick up the phone and call
12) my ipod- even though it's in danger of being pawned so that I can afford that criss cross crash track that stephen wants oh so badly for christmas, I couldn't have made it the past few weeks without it. it was my lifeline, my notquite cellphone, my way of communicating with the outside world.
13) my sons teacher- because she has been so awesome in keeping me up to date in my sons school work, and doesn't mind my many notes and questions I keep putting in his folder
14) unemployment- I debated on this one for a while, because it's what has gotten us through the past few months, but now that it's exhausted it's limitations until lawmakers can extend it, im mad at it.
15) my mother in law- I cant believe it took me so long to think to put her on here..she should be under family, but like my mom, I'd like to put her in a separate category. I'm thankful that she was down visiting and I got to meet her, and we decided to get married, so she was here. I'm thankful for who she is, she is struggling too, but has constantly found a way to help us out when we need it the most. She's always there to help me out when things seem particularly bleak, and is just a phone call away to save jesse when im ready to strangle him. she's what calms me down before I attempt murder. She's one of the strongest people I've had the fortune to meet, and I hope that everyone around her knows what a jewel she is.
16) my chicken- even though I hate birds, since we got her earlier this year, my chicken has totally wormed her way into my heart. She has the personality that makes you laugh when you are down. her coos when you pet her are just as relaxing as a cat's purr.
17.) my husband- it seems so strange to call him that still. It's hard to believe that we got married in may of this year. with all that we've been through it feels like a lifetime. we still have a lot of problems, and after recent problems i've still got my guard up and it doesn't feel the same as it did before, but I know that I've got to be thankful of some of the experiences we shared this year, I'm thankful that when im in full blown PMS mood and I absolutely need a chocolate cake with white icing or a white cake with chocolate icing at 9pm at night, if I smoozle enough, he will go make it. I'm thankful for how he can be around my son. I'm thankful for the good times and how he makes me feel during them
18) chocolate- Dear chocolate- you are the first love of my life, my only weakness, and the reason I probably can't loose these pounds. but I am thankful for the comfort that you give me during those times of the month when chocolate is the only relief.
19) my garage- how did I live life without a garage? How did I live life in an apartment, with no garage? where did all my stuff get put?
20) the library- for all the free books, and free movies you have let me enjoy the past few months. and more recently for the internet that you so lovingly provided to me when I needed it the most. I love you library.
21) cereal- for those times when you have no motivation to cook lunch or anything, a bowl of cereal is just the thing, and so easy to clean up.
22) other peoples drama- i know, drama is bad. b-a-d..but its awesome when its other peoples drama. it takes your mind off your own sorry state of affairs, and makes you realize how wonderful you just might have it, since you aren't nearly as stupid as that other person who did thisandthat or said soandsosaidthis. or whatever.
23) music- the thing that gets me motivated to pick up a broom or dust rag
24)dollar general- for cheap prices of things that you would get for major money somewhere else and for being in walking distance to my house and probably for being the number one place i will do any sort of christmas shopping. too bad the toys are weak and easily breakable and cheap.
25) the number one thing I am thankful for? Stephen of course- no matter what he will become in life, no matter what he does, he will always, ALWAYS be in my heart. if he turns out to be president of the world, I will be there behind him clapping my heart out, if he turns out to be a serial killer, I will visit him in prison. for every smile he gives me, every hug, every kiss, he makes my world shine. all our "mommy and me" moments, all of our reading times at night, or our rockabyebabies. for every tantrum he throws, or tear he sheds, I am thankful for. I am thankful that he's healthy, that he's alive and breathing, I am thankful for every strand of hair on his head. I am thankful he's MINE.

It's been a while

my computer is still dead, but I managed to get it set up to go back online. It takes forever to do things, and I can only do one thing at a time, but at least it's better than nothing. I've been using my ipod the past few weeks squinting at the screen trying to read things on the internet. so much has happened the past few weeks but really not that much. it's been a rough few weeks. 2010 is close to being over, and I'm really really hoping that 2011 will be way better. I don't feel much like going into it all, I just wanted to write something short and sweet since hopefully, I am back.

Involuntary hiatus

Taking a involuntary hiatus my computer has officially died I'm on my iPod touch right now I wanted to let people know I won't be on the computer for a while we haven't got the money to get a new one but feel free to donate if you are inclined to the Kim needs a computer fund.

A bittersweet day

Today was one of the longest days in history for me. Last night my dad took Stephen for me, overnight. I woke up at 4am and had to take hubby to his job, in daytona, I needed the car so that I could go to a fall festival in Sanford at a church that my family are huge members of. I had a ton of errands to do between 4am and 10am, when I left. After all my errands were done I headed over to Sanford to meet up with my dad and stephen and enjoy some fall funtivities. I got there early, and could spend some time with grandma, I'll tell you about that later.

Stephen and dad got there, they had bouncing things outside, and some activities. They had a huge meal, homemade yummy stuff. We ate till our bellies were full, and Stephen had a BLAST on the jumpy thingy.

My two aunts were there, my grandma, my uncle, cousin, dad and stepmom, so it was nice to spend time with my family. They live closer than my dad, but I don't get to see them as much.

I really don't feel like typing much, so I will just get to it. As fun as today was, it was shadowed by darkness. Lemme tell you about my grandma. She is absolutely wonderful. I love her. Some of my favorite memories growing up were spending some time at her house with her, listening to Elvis and reading to the wee hours of the night. I get my reading from her. I remember we used to lay in the twin beds in her room, our heads where our feet should go, reading till daylight. I can't even really explain in words how I feel about her, I loved my visits with her, they were always so fun, she is my grandma, I will never have another like her. So let's fast-forward to today.

The conversation that I had with my grandma had rocked me to the core. We had some time alone before all the crazy fun started, to talk. She told me that she's not doing so well. That she was having a hard time breathing, and her doctor thinks that she has a clogged valve in her heart. She's gone through countless numbers of surgeries for similar things, and has had a lot of health problems. She's done all that and bounced back. When she started telling me this, I fully expected her to tell me she'll have surgery again and be back to her normal wonderful self. Instead she told me that she's tired, she's 83, has gone through a lot of surgeries and doesn't feel she can do another one. I know she's had a very long hard life, and it was fulfilling. She's been able to meet and spend time with a bunch of grandchildren, and a great-grandson, and another great-grandchild on the way. She just explained that she cannot go through another surgery. She has a procedure scheduled for Tuesday that will tell more about what is going on with her, and maybe give a prognosis. It took every ounce of effort to sit there and not burst out sobbing. It took every effort not to get on my knees and beg for her to do the surgery, because she's my grandma, my only living grandparent I have left, and I selfishly am NOT ready to give her up. I understand that she's tired, and I respect her wishes, and that she has decided this, and decided to tell everyone so that we can prepare. I always knew I wouldn't get to keep her forever, but how do you prepare for this? I can't prepare for her death, the thought of going to her funeral and seeing her lying in a coffin scares the pants off me. I wanted to call my husband and tell him I was moving to Sanford for the time being, I want to spend every waking moment I can with her. I know that I can't, I have responsibilities and a family of my own. I'm hurting, for her, for my family, and for myself, for Stephen for only knowing her a short time, and for my possible future children who might not get to know their great-grandmother. I hope that with medication and everything, she will be able to live longer, a few more years at least, but as much as I cannot say it out loud, and it hurts to even type it, I don't think I'll get to have my grandma much longer.

I'll end this now, with a picture we got today, four generations, my grandma, my dad, me and Stephen. And then I'll go to bed, and wake up tomorrow, and I'll be okay, it will be okay, and tomorrow is Halloween and I'm sure it will be a big busy day for me.

The first big holiday is in full bloom!

We don't have seasons here in Florida, but we make do with festivities. Halloween is here, it's coming up Sunday, and I woke up this week and the first thought in my head 24/7 was omg holy eff..what the heck..sunday! and went into full time panic mode. And a lot of it was geared toward the fact that omg..SUNDAY! and we have NO pumpkin, no baking smells in the air, and with no car..NO way to get that stuff until Saturday..and trying to find a pumpkin the day before Halloween is like trying to get the #1 selling toy for Christmas on Christmas Eve.

I have a friend I met at the bus stop for our kids, her name is Michelle, she and her family are going through rough patches, but I think she's cool as heck. Yesterday she came through for me in a big way. She became my chauffeur. She took me to Amscot to get a cash advance cause bills just screwed me over for my festivities. She took me to Publix to get a pumpkin and baking goods. (we have no pumpkin patches here, just church lawns and ridiculously overpriced pumpkins) I walked out of publix with a $5.99 pumpkin that's HUGE and beautiful. And a cart full of things like bittersweet chocolate and cheese.

Soon as I got home from shopping, I set to work. Cleaned up the kitchen, put the pumpkin on the table at the ready for carving, and started baking. I picked out two recipes that come from one of my favorite magazines All You (GREAT source for coupons BTW if you are a fanatic like me) that changed to three recipes when I decided dinner would be festive as well. Baked one cake, which requires a day of being in the fridge, then started on another, when OMG I don't have a 9 inch cake pan! and I can't substitute because it HAS to be round. So Michelle came through again..and brought me a pan to borrow. I took a break because it was 5pm, and I had to worry about dinner, rather than dessert. I made the cutest quesadillas. Jack O'Lanteren style. I altered the recipe a lot because it calls for cheese that my kid would barf at. The spicy one.. Pepper-jack cheese. that's all the recipe consisted of, so I omitted that one, and substituted with Monterrey Jack and Cheddar. For the adults I added Steak/Chicken. The results were yummy.

You can't really see it that well, the camera lighting situation sucked.

After dinner, I commenced with the baking. And the Carving commenced as well at the table. When I had my hands on the seeds, I baked the seeds. And finished up the night with a HUGE mess, but a baked cake, and baked seeds, and full bellies of Jack O'Lanterns. Plus a cake in the fridge ready for me to finish today.

These are called Candy Corn Wedges. They are supposed to resemble Candy Corn. They came out great, the icing was HARD to put on, it was very messy, so it didn't look good as the picture, but my hubby was VERY impressed, wants me to make more like that.

Here's some pictures of our carving.

The Chicken and Candy helping out.

Collecting all the seeds for mommy.

He wanted a pirate, but they were WAY too complex to do with kitchen tools and a printer. So we settled on a skull head.

Here's the results of my handiwork in the kitchen.

My messy work. These pictures were BEFORE I did the icing on the Candy Corn Wedges too..so it was even worse by the time I finished. I didn't want to take pictures of that:) My pumpkin seeds were in the middle picture.

(pictures of my cake in the fridge to come in about 5 hours).

I plan to do some sugar cookies (the Pillsbury kind, i'm tired of cleaning!) and when Stephen gets home from school, let him decorate them with the leftover orange/yellow/white icing that I have.

It was a satisfying day. I'm ready to bake some more.

A moment away from "Happiness"

A friend of mine on facebook has this in her photo album, and I felt compelled to use it. Recently its come to my attention that I am a horrible friend because I don't go visit, or call or email.. it was kind of a slap in the face because unlike this clipping, the friend also has a child. I've also been told by a family member in the past that I could pick up the phone and call more often.

I have so many things I'm feeling about this, because I find it highly unfair to judge me based on my lack of communication. One thing, I don't have my phone ringing off the hook, the phone works both ways. and I have a kid that loves talking on the phone, so if I attempt to make a personal call, or even a call to a bill collector, here comes my wonderful 5 year old trying to grab the phone out of my hand to talk to whoever, even if he doesn't know the person..you should see him when he DOES know the person. So most of the time if I want to have a uninterrupted phone call to someone to "chat" it usually has to be after his bedtime, and by that time, all I want to do is take a shower and wind down..So by the time I take care of that, it's late..and who wants a phone call at 9-10pm at night? My working friends and family are usually in bed by then, and my friends and family with kids usually have kids in bed by then. I would end up taking backlash at calling so late. I don't own a cell phone because we have no money to splurge on it, so I can't randomly call someone while I'm out walking my dog, or mopping the floor, which I can't anyways, because I just am not coordinated enough to talk on the phone and mop at the same time, I'll end up dropping the phone in the mop water. I can't even go to the bathroom in piece by myself, let alone sneak in there with a phone. And if you know me, even a little bit, you know that I just am NOT a phone talker. I hate the phone with a passion.

I do spend some time each day on facebook, but if I sat down and emailed or commented on every single friend and family member's facebook, it would take me all day. The house isn't going to get cleaned by itself, and dinner doesn't make itself, and errands and chores don't get done by magically wiggling my nose. And because I am at home, and my husband is working hard every day, I at least attempt each day to get something productive done, even if its just cleaning one room in the house, or doing every single piece of laundry, including folding and putting away. and I only have from 7:30am-2:00pm each day to do this, before my five year old comes home and demands every second of my time, unless I can find something to occupy him with, and him being a single child, with no children his age around here, except the 2 year old boy across the street, he doesn't have a playmate to play with, so mommy is it.

As for visiting..I live in the middle of nowhere, we are a one car family, with bills up the wahoo and one income coming in. Am I supposed to drop my life and my child to figure out how to take the votran on what usually would be a 45 minute drive in my car, instead turning out to be a 4 hour votran ride, just for a lunch? I've lived in this house for one whole year now, and have yet to have a single visitor. I'm home all day, cooped up with no way to drive anywhere, even if I desperately need to go to a grocery store, why can't those mudslingers come visit me?

I was a single mother for a long time, and now I'm not, but my husband is away more than he's home, and when he's home, my time is spent running this household and trying to remember where he or my son put every single doodad and whatsit, preparing them for the next day, or just plain spending time with him. We are newly married still, we were only married in May, we haven't quite settled down into that boring routine where I might not want to spend every waking moment with him, and I hope we never do "settle down" like that, because I would hope that we can keep some sort of excitement in our lives. So while it's just a little bit easier for me to drop stuff and come running because I have a live in babysitter.. it's really not that much easier, it's harder. I have a family now, and as much as I enjoy spending time with friends and family, I can't just up and disappear whenever I'm called, it's unfair to my son, and it's unfair to my husband who works all day, gets up at 4am, get's home at 6pm and doesn't quite have the energy to deal with the nightly hassle of bathtime, story time and household stuff by himself. plus he works 45 minutes away, and we spend a million bucks a week on gas..I don't have the money for another 45 minute trip away and back.

All I'm saying is, family and friends are supposed to be there for you through thick and thin, I would hope that a little understanding, and patience would be expected. And realizing that sometimes there's just NOT enough time in the day to do everything plus stay on top of relationships. Life tends to get away from me. But surely is that enough reason to dismantle a friendship or cause a family feud?

It's been quiet.

It's been kinda quiet here lately. The days have been average..nothing too exciting..nothing too boring. my hubby is sick, so most of the time we have a easy night...he's miserable:( so i doctor him up with nyquil and put him to bed..then I tend to lay wide awake until the wee hours. today I made the mistake of taking a nap..because I woke up feeling miserable..so after I put stephen on the bus, I went back to bed for a few hours..i felt better when I woke up, but I still have a lingering headache. I don't know if it's allergies or what.

I finished one of the books I got in the mail..Blonde with a Wand. It was really good, I couldn't put it down. Definately a keeper, but I'd suggest reading her first few books first, it's not really a series, but two of the characters that were in her previous books showed up, so you have some background on the characters. I'm looking forward to her next book, it continues on with the story, the main character of Blonde with a Wand..her sister is featured in the next book. So this book was basically about a witch who was dating a guy who made her mad..she accidentally turned him into a cat. As a result, she lost her witch powers. For the next week, she had to figure out how to change him back without her powers. after a few days of being a cat, he was able to convert to human for a little bit a night. of course there was romance in it, but the book was really funny some parts had me cracking up.

I've started on The Phoenix Charm, had to take a break after Blonde with a Wand, another favorite author, Sherrilyn Kenyon came out with a new book in her Dark-Hunter series that I had to read. But I finished that one, so I'm starting on my other freebie. Only a few pages into it, but I think I will be enjoying this one too.

I've started actively Christmas shopping, browsing websites for ideas, and ebay of course. I put a bid on a few things. Someone is selling a bunch of childrens books that are Stage 1-4 in the reading catagory. Who knows if I will get it. Stephen is still going strong with his night time reading, he calls it "story time" it's really cozy, I lay down on his bed with him tucked against me listening to me and looking at the pictures. Plus he's learning to read, I'm hoping to instill the same love of books that I have, in him. I still want him to be all boy and tinker with things and sports and whatever, but at the same time, have respect for the written word. So maybe if I can win these books, and continue our new tradition of story time, it will help him not only to read, but to love to read, and also strengthen our bond. Even if I don't win them I still hope to be able to purchase a few books to give to him.

Just thought I'd check in..post a little bit.

Silence, EBay and a throbbing foot

**warning** punctuation doesn't exists in this post, nor does capitalization, so if you are a sucker for those things..sorry about your luck. its 2am and im waiting on tylenol pm to kick in*

This weekend was a busy one for me. Typical of the past few weeks, by the time friday rolled around I was ansy and ready to get out of the house. My poor husband who works long hours and has chronic insomnia and only averages maybe 2-3 hours of sleep at night..he takes the car during the day, leaving me stranded and cooped up..so I bite my lip when he gets home about wanting to go here and there, but usually by friday I can't take it anymore, I feel like im going to burst. He got bomboarded friday. and in all honesty I don't really remember what I did friday. LOL I remember we left Stephen in the care of our neighbor for 15 minutes, we hopped on his motorcycle and roared around for a few..that was fun.

Saturday we hit the streets, major errands..we left the house with a list of places we needed to see and do..and didn't end up going to any of them, except one..and by the time we got done with that place, I think we'd added a few places to our list. we drove the 45 minutes it takes to get into Daytona and went to the first place on our list. Home Depot. then from there we headed to the mall, but to our surprise they had a classic car show going on, but it wasnt really all classic old cars, there were some "dream" cars, like vipers and '11 mustangs, and supped up stuff. but I was all about the classic car..the "muscle" ones. and im partial to old style trucks, don't ask me why, I just am. and of course I went gaga over two cars that were replicas of the classic show "knight rider" my husband had drool over his chin the entire time and even stephen was getting into the spirit of things, it was a nice show. I wish I'd thought to bring my camera with me, but when we left the house we were just going to a few places. So after this show we went and browsed books a million, then petco and some other places.. by then it was hitting 5-6pm, we'd left the house early in the day too. my feet were tired from walking around and shopping and price checking for a project that jesse and I will be working on for stephen for christmas (we're building him a treasure chest/toy box)

Stephen, for being such a super kid, and being totally awesome with his listening skills while mommy and daddy were shopping and browsing..got to bring home a few fish. he helped daddy set up the tank, and put the decorations where he wanted them, and learned how to feed them, and what not to do with them. 24 hours later they are still alive. he wants to decorate his tank with pirate things (its just a small 10 gallon tank) so we started off wtih a cheap pirate figure and a few guppies. which he paid for with his own money (of course he'll get the money back when he does something good) we sat down and reached a agreement that each week or so, if he does all his chores, listens, and is good in school, he can get another pirate item to add to his fishtank. he's very excited about this project of his. here's to hoping that this will last more than a few days.

so today we ended up getting up and destroying our garage..totally took everything out, and swept and cleaned and reorganized and put things back in nice. i took pictures of some of the bigger things so I can list them on craigslist. I am exteremly tired, and very sore. my feet were killing me all day, i thought maybe it was a residue from walking yesterday, and being cooped up in the house I dont get much walking excercise as I did yesterday. but now its midnight and my ankle is THROBBING. its swollen and it hurts, every time I close my eyes i feel the hearbeat in the ankle. so I am online..christmas shopping of all things.

Stephens huge into story time now..we're starting to get out of the "rockababy" phase and we're entering the story time phase. every night i've read him a few books. my dad had gotten him a pirate adventure book thats part of a series, so im on ebay lookin to see if they have books 1-5. or anything else. I hope the story time phase lasts a long time. with his great grandmothers love for reading, and his mothers love for reading, I hope that gene gets passed down. he doesnt have to be a bookaholic like me..but i hope that he learns to love the adventures you can have in books.

ok im so going to bed now. night all

My kid is SUPER! I have proof!

I know..he's so frickin SUPER! I just LOVE that kid so much. I'm so glad that other people recognize and appreciate how wonderful he is, and I know that school is hard for him, and I know that he's trying VERY hard to keep afloat, and I'm just so darned proud of him for trying and I like that the teacher recognizes that he's trying so hard and that he's doing so good. Dang im going to cry again.

So my happiness post of the day..probably for the month.. my baby being super duper and having proof to show everyone just how super he is.

And to top that off, he got a good report card this week too! two in one! so.. I'm thinking we may have to dip into our accounts, and rearrange things, and maybe instead of paying so much towards something..I think I want to take him to a Pirate Adventure show in Orlando this weekend, if not this weekend then maybe next? I don't know..I will have to research it, I believe that's a good reward for him, he loves pirates, and it's something personal that we can do as a family, to have the memories, and it's not as impersonal as candy or money or going to the dollar store for a toy. We may be hurting in the money department, but I feel that the two in one, plus he's been good for me at home, doing his chores and listening..he deserves a reward..and I think the memories he can carry with him for a lifetime, rather than a few days of a toy from the dollar store.

It's here! pt 2

So part 2 of my previous blog.

There's my happiness! A wonderful surprise in the mail..not one but two books..brad spankin new and one of the authors I enjoy! I also got two bookmarks for Nancy's book La Vida Vampire.. I'm very happy. I started reading Blonde with a Wand this morning.

Also part of my happiness of yesterday that's boiled over into today.. my dear husband brought me a surprise home also..he got me a mushy hallmark card, just cause..and a big chocolate bar (which i am eating right now) and a cream soda (my secret vice..i love cream soda!) and the soda was gone in five minutes flat.. so I got two surprises in one day, and both surprises are going to give me much happiness for today, so I am cheating, and using it for today's happiness too..unless something cool happens later.

Happy Friday everyone, enjoy the day and hope you guys have a wonderful weekend.

It's here!

A few days ago, if you look back or go here, I posted a blog about how I won a contest that was hosted by one of my favorite authors, Nancy Haddock. I was very happy to win. Today I got my prize in the mail, that turned out to be a even bigger surprise..I got TWO! yep, two books. I'm ecstatic. and both of them look awesome! One of them i'd heard of, Vicki Thompson, I read two of her books and enjoyed them, so I am for sure looking forward to this one, the other one by Helen scott Tayulor, never heard of her but it looks pretty good, I'll make sure after i am done reading them I post my review. But I have a feeling they will be good.

I can't upload the pictures to make this my happiness post, the service is down for picture uploads..I'll have to come back later to do it.

my heart just swells

Some of my influence seems to be sinking in to my husband. And my heart just swells with pride. He came home last night, all poofed up and proud..know why? He went to CVS to pick up his prescription, and managed to purchase some Excedrin. He somehow got ahold of a coupon and purchased a 5 dollar bottle of Excedrin for $1.97. I'm so proud of him.

Starting to think a lot about Christmas..I have been for a while now, but it's starting to really sink in that I only have X amount of days until Christmas. So I've been thinking about what my game plan will be for Christmas. We are low on money, I've been trying to stock away a little bit here and there to go towards it, but most of the time I end up dipping into the fund to pay for bills or other stuff, can't get around it. So I've been trying to think of creative things to do or get. I do know that I have a $25 gift certificate for toys r us..so I'll definately be getting something from there. We have dollar general down the road, but the problem is, most of their toys are crap and break after like 5 minutes of stephen time. They have a lot of stocking stuffer things though. I'm sure I will think of something. Maybe I'll sit down with Stephen tonight when he gets home and tell him to start writing a letter to santa, and get some idea of things that he likes. I know that he's obsessed with all things pirates right now. I did find a cute scooby doo plush toy on toys r us website that is dressed up like a pirate, I might get him that. Of course there's always good old ebay. love ebay.

ok im rambling, not much of anything to really blog about right now, but it's 8am, so the day is just starting, there's probably a good possibility that I will be blogging again later.

It's that time..a new milestone for me.

Stephen has reached his newest milestone. I am incredibly at loss for emotions right now, well scratch that, I have an incredible overload of emotions, that I can't definitely pick out one single emotion. Part of me wants to cry, the other part of me wants to dance around, the other part of me is kind of shellshocked that today as come finally.

It's report card day. My baby boy has completed his very first 9 weeks, and has received his very first report card, his very first official one. Complete with all the checks and pluses. and I can't figure out weather I should be celebrating or crying because it's a huge milestone.

In the name of saving money and tree's, the school no longer provides report cards, you have to get online to a "parent portal" and print it. It's sad because I have memories and momentos my teachers of old and principals always included a handwritten note to my mom, and my mom had the opportunity to write back to the teacher. I like the parent portal, because as he gets older, I can keep track of how he is as far as testing and attendance. It keeps track of everything from being tardy to behavioral issues. He won't be able to hide anything from me.

He did good, he's on level. There's a lot more checks than I'd like, but there's no zeros or I's. Plus signs mean that he demonstrates skills and concepts consistently..checks mean that he's still learning/developing those skills and concepts..zeros mean it's an area of concern, and I means it's in progress towards grade level proficiency in skills and concepts. While there's a lot more checks than I'd like, I am SO proud of my baby for trying so hard, his teacher says he's "on level" even though he's still behind more than she'd like for him to be.

I want to get out my first kindergarten report card and compare.

So.. I don't know if anyone actually reads my blogs, I hope so, but even if not, I enjoy writing them, and it's a good way to destress my life and put things in perspective. But if you are out there and do read them..I need opinions on how to do a reward system. I have no idea what the going rate on rewards for report cards are these days. Do I wait until the last 9 weeks and if he gets promoted to the 1st grade, reward him then? Do I wait until he's out of the checks and plus phases and goes on to the ABCDF phase? or each report card do I offer a reward? and how does one reward a bunch of checks and pluses? I have zero money to do anything exciting, but I feel like I should reward him somehow for his efforts. any opinions on the matter is appreciated.

alright.. not a happy post:P

having a very bad day..geeze. everything seems to be going against me. from the stupid car payment people getting on my case..to ugh. dont even wanna talk about the issue about my car. im so over those effin people.

OH but something interesting.. i had a cop come by to tell me to turn my music down. what the effin? he couldn't tell me who it was that called but i could clearly see which way his eyes were going..it's the same neighbors that called my landlord to complain about my septic tank. frickin picky people!? the guy rolled his eyes the entire time he was here, and was trying to tell me to turn the bass down but leave it up, he doesnt have a problem with music at the volume it was, just the bass was a little much..you could barely hear the bass so once the bass was off you wouldn't be able to hear it.. so i figured out a little bit ago, how to turn the bass off..but felt petty enough to be ruder. so just to be the bigger witch i opened my windows closer to her, and turned on my surround sound stereo in my bedroom, which is next to her house. and put on some obnoxious rock music. im sure my neighbor is steaming. I went outside and couldn't hear the music anywhere but by over by her house.

I got away from apartment's because of things like that, you would think that I could be able to listen to music in my own place?


I'll post a happiness post when I'm done being a total *itch and calm down.

Could a chicken be psychic?

I wasn't feeling well last night, bad digesting of last nights dinner I guess. So I pretty much pulled an all nighter. After a morning of dealing with the phone and hearing messages like "we're sorry all agents are helping other customers please try your call again later" and being online researching the ins and outs of unemployment, and getting more and more confused, I got a headache. So I decided to set my alarm and get a few hours of sleep while I wait for a load of laundry to wash.

I had the weirdest dream. It's fading now, but it took place in another time, back in the day. I wasn't in the dream, I was more of a fly in the wall. There was a man with two little boys, they had a dog, looked like a golden retriever. Buncha stuff happened, very faded now..but anyways..i remember the little town was falling apart, the people in charge of the town were corrupt, and all the profits and nice things went to them, leaving the citizens of the town left in the dust so to speak. So the place was falling a part, the citizens were unhappy with the leaders of the town..at one point..a big storm happened, and a building was going to fall down on a bunch of people, the little boys and the dog were in there..the dog was the one to alert of the start of the collapse..and pretty much saved the little boys.. the chicken started showing up in my dream right about then..so the building was going to collapse, the boys were upstairs..the dog warned them and they all ran out..and they all escaped. except the dog and the chicken..after the dust settled we saw the dog come out, with the chicken on its back. After a revolt led by a town prostitute (with petticoats and all) the current "mayor" was upheaved from his post after saying all the nice things that were being auctioned off to rebuild the town should be set aside (so he could have them) the prostitute became the town mayor. (flash back to the boys and the dog) the dog got hurt in the collapse, and we are sad and crying because the dog dies. The chicken lives, and pretty much takes the dogs place, playing with the boys in the lake, and all sorts of fun things.

I wake up at that point..the dream had ended, credits were rolling (literally. it was very weird) and who do I see sitting on my bed next to me, staring very intently at me? my chicken. When I started the nap she was sleeping peacefully out in the living room on a towel. All the sudden the chicken takes a big part of my dream (probably about the time she decided to waddle back to the room and stare at me) I wonder if she saw my dreams and was upset that she wasn't a part of them, and decided to insert herself into the dream? This wasn't the first time this happened.. it was just the first time i'd been aware of it. I've told jesse several times that I had weird dreams with the chicken in them, but I've never made the connection of if she was around when it happened. It's a food for thought.

Featuring ME! contest winner!

I know this seems like a silly thing to be insanely giddy happy about, but I just checked my email, cause I'm prone to 2 thousand junk mails a day, and if I don't keep on top of my email box it becomes like an insane jungle. So here I am at 12am reading my email. A few weeks ago I entered a contest hosted by a local writer who lives in St. Augustine. I'd picked up one of her books called La Vida Vampire at a outlet mall, started reading, and was hooked. I got her sequel now im very (impatiently) waiting on the third one to come out in May of 2011. I looked up the author online on the usual social sites, myspace and facebook and became a friend/fan of all her pages. Anyways, she hosted a contest where if you become a fan of her pages, and email her requesting to be in the contest, she would send you a free book of genre of your choice. I never win contests, but I enter them anyways with full hopes.

I got a email tonight, and here it is..

Hi Kimberly!

You are one of my 3 winners in the FB fan page drawing - and, wow! Thank you for being not only a fan/ friend on my "normal" page, but on all of them - and MySpace, too!

One paranormal romance coming up! Please send your mailing address, and let me know if the book needs to be packaged and/ or mailed in other than a normal US mail way. (As in marked as a gift for customs.)

Thank you again, and I hope you enjoy the book!

Light,
Nancy


lemme tell you, im one excited chick! I LOVE reading, and I LOVE authors that are close to their readers, and I love even more when I win a contest by one of my favorite authors. If you are looking to read a new author..and you like vampire type paranormal stuff..check out La Vida Vampire by Nancy Haddock. It's supremely awesome.

http://www.nancyhaddock.com/

so on that note, my happiness post..is about books! or in particular..a book. a great author. a email from her, and me being a contest winner! yay!

Sappy Happy

I think today is one of those days that you wake up with birds singing lovely songs, the sun is shining just right, the weather is perfect, and all in nature is together with harmony. It's one of those days that you wake up snuggly comfy in bed, and instead of grumbling and complaining about waking up (especially if you are woken up with a chicken on your shoulder squawking loudly cause she wants to go outside and roll in the dirt) you wake up with a wide smile, and all is right in the world. I'm like that today..the reason? My husband. My beautiful wonderful husband. I'm not even annoyed that he's taken up more than half the bed and all of the pillows and covers. Instead, I'm feeling incredibly blessed..very sappy..and very much in love.

My happiness post..of course..is going to be about my husband. sorry! last night, we had a very rare date night. My dad took stephen, so Jesse and I took advantage. And when I say advantage, I mean it. We took showers, I *gasp* shaved. I blowed my hair dry, got out the dusty straight iron, and the stale makeup, I put on a dress that was slightly too small cause apparently I've gained weight (weight watchers, here I come!) and got out the gut sucking garter type underwear. I put on nice shoes, and my husband dressed up, in the very same outfit that I met him in, just because..it's that outfit. We have been talking about going to this restraunt for a long time now, only it's pricey. He called ahead and asked if there's a wait (I live near daytona, and if you are familiar..its Biketoberfest right now..meaning there's thousands and millions of bikers from all over in town right now) they told him..no wait. so. We decided to head that way. Hubby, bless his heart, grabbed the camera, and we were off, stopping by the bank and then heading back home because of course we forgot something, i forgot what, but eh..we set out again..the entire time we were silly gilly and complimenting each other on how nice we look, laughing about stories that we told, and talking about things.

Him driving us to the restaurant.
So attractive I know, but he was snapping pictures left and right cause he wanted to capture me in all my hotness:)

A better shot. Man my hair looks long in this picture..is it really that long?


We get there, and no wait..sat down immediately. We had the most lovely dinner, we were that annoying couple in the booth that sit in the same side snuggling while we read the menu. We went all out and didn't worry about the price. I got some kind of combination dinner, with snow crab legs, and fish, and shrimp and scallops and crab cakes and oysters (ugh oysters..neither one of us like them, but we tried on together just the same) he got new york strip steak, it came with a salad buffet, and rolls and sweet rolls. Our waiter was totally gay, but totally awesome, and very funny. When our food came, Jesse sat on the other side of the booth because he "wanted to look at me" and oh. my. gawd. the food. The food, was..indescribable. So good. I wanted to eat every bite, even when my stomach was full to the popping point because face it..it's not the same the next day. The snow crab legs were awesome, this restaurant had the BEST butter ever (yeah mom..my picky butter habits..but this place was AWESOME! it was buttery and salty and just RIGHT) the scallops were scrumptious and there were NO words for the crab cakes. The oysters got tossed aside, the shrimp was wonderful, the fish was okay..not very fishy tasting, but not bland. His steak, (we both like our steak bloody and rare) was just right. One of the very few restaurant that cook steak like you ask. And lemme tell you, it was the best steak i have ever set teeth on. We shared our food, and got our doggie bags, paid for our meal, and left. Outside we met the nicest biker who was willing and agreeable to taking our picture. He was from NC and has been coming down here every year since 1996. That's motorcycle dedication.



I'm a total CVSaholic, I'm one of those annoying customers that goes to the register with several transactions, coupons up the wahoo, and gushing about paying .84 cents for something that normally costs 25 dollars. My husband, puts up with it, and sometimes enthusiastically joins in. On our very first date we actually went to a CVS. Well..tradition continues. He took me to CVS! I love that man. And he followed me around with a cart while I flitted here and there grabbing things off the shelf with my list in hand and coupons at the ready. when I was done shopping, we went up to the register, and it was late at night by then, so the cashier was okay with my many transactions, and cool about pushing coupons through that weren't up to par. He tolerated my many questions about "how many people do this!? do you get a discount?!" that sort of thing. I had a cart FULL of stuff. and Jesse even allowed me to take over his CVS card and do a transaction with his name. And off we went.

We decided since we're splurging..why not go all out and stop by blockbuster. (im telling you, if I haven't snagged the man already, between CVS and movies..I woulda totally told him I was going to marry him) we picked out movies..we got Jonah Hex, Iron Man 2, and Date Night. Figuring we'd end the perfect night with a snuggle and a movie.

We get home, unload our goodies, and decide that we're kidless, let's not stop there. We get our comfy clothes on, I washed my makeup off, and snuggled up in a sweater (kinda chilly, and we'd decided to go down to the river..the wind and everything will make it cold) we got our dog, and set off for the dock. We snuggled together on the bench, looked at the stars, and talked about how we're glad we found each other. Looking at the stars made me feel so small, the universe is so gigantic, we CAN'T be the only ones out here. Our dog went nuts, she always goes nuts on the dock..I don't know if its the sound of her clicking nails, or the water, or what, she was just running around and going in circles and it was cute. We got lots of pictures of tonight.





Our dog Candy..aka Kujo for the night


Eye seeee youuuu. Eye've got my eye on youuuuu. MWHAHAHAH





I was moving the camera up and down trying to look at the cool colors. it's wierd how he's so still but the lights were moving. it turned out pretty cool.








So we left the dock after a while, came home, opened all the windows and turned the AC off cause it was nice and chilly, and snuggled up in bed with our movies. It was the perfect night, very relaxing, and with all the reminders of why I fell in love with him in the first place.