Save the Dolphins

I have just watched, the SINGLE most important, most moving, most disturbing movie I have EVER watched in my life. I like watching documentaries. One of them I picked up because it was about one of my most favorite things in the world, Dolphins. It's called "The Cove" I picked it up because of the content, it was about Dolphins. I didn't really realize what it was about exactly until I started watching it. I was hooked. But its not for the faint of heart. It's basically about a town in Japan, that actively slaughters dolphins. by the thousands, every day from September to March, located in an infamous cove, they drag dolphins back and slaughter them. It has coverups and mafia type fishermen that won't allow filming, so this team sneak in and set up hidden cameras and catch the act on film. It shows the team and what they put up with to get the film, so they can raise awareness of the subject. It was one of those films that as soon as it ends, you rush online to find out everything you can about how to help, what petitions to sign, how to spread the word. I'm fully ready to get on a flight to Japan and go cut some nets or something.

My part on this? I want to spread the word, at least to my small social circle. Maybe like the Pay it Forward phenomenon, if one person tells another person who tells another person, and so on..

some interesting links..

http://www.takepart.com/thecove

http://thecovemovie.com/

http://savejapandolphins.blogspot.com/

AGH!? Seriously??

Jesse has been trying for a few weeks now to get a copy of his birth certificate from New Jersey. He's driving on a temp license until he gets it to bring to DMV to get his regular license. The problem is, we ordered it from NJ, sent a billion different forms to prove his identity, because online they say they DO take nonphoto ID if you send this that this and that. (the temp doesnt have a picture, its just a piece of paper) after a few emails back and forth and going up to the hardware store faxing this and that.. trying to get this thing started, we get fed up and call the people. They tell us NJ will not give him a birth certificate without a valid picture ID. Fine. I'm his wife, *I* will request the blasted thing. So they tell me to fax my drivers license. So we drive up again and fax the thing. the next morning I get a email saying my fax was too dark, to refax it. So I copy it on my scanner, email it to them. an hour later I get a email saying I need this form. fine. I send that form. an hour later I get a email saying that they've received everything, however they cannot validate WHY I am requesting this document, and they are now requesting proof that I am married to him, so I need to fax our marriage certificate to them. WTF?!?!? FINE! so I get that out, send that to them. This morning, after two weeks of constantly going and faxing and emailing and phone calls, I get a email from them saying they are delighted I ordered from them, however when they pushed my payment through it was declined. WELL DUH! I spent so much friggin money on faxing and gas to get the thing started, naturally I have NO money to pay for the thing! So..two weeks later, 100 trips to and from the hardware store/staples in daytona to fax, 30 something dollars of faxing money (yeah..its like..2 bucks a page! one fax I had to send SEVEN pages), 12 emails later (yeah I counted) I still have nothing to show for this. *sigh* *bangs head on desk* It'd probably be easier to obtain blueprints for Fort Knox than a simple birth certificate from New Jersey.

Choices

I think I'm in a weird mood, one of those pensive reflecting on everything moods. Could be a little bit of a lack of sleep? I don't know. My husband and I just went through a few days of rough patches, but we're trying to get back on track, marriage isn't easy, but I know that I love him, and I'd have a hard time giving up on him. When I look back on it, we haven't known each other as long as a lot of husbands and wives have known each other, but we've gone through SO much in such a short period of time, and I think with all of our experiences, I feel like I've known him forever. I think that sometimes, because of his past relationships, he has a hard time having faith in me, and the fact that I chose him, and that I love him more than I've love others in my past, but I do, and it is what it is. We both have flaws, but I love him for all of his perfections and imperfections, even though there are choices he makes that I don't like at all, and wish I could erase from his personality, but I do believe he's trying to work on them.

This morning I was on facebook, and I had befriended someone a while back, that I have known for a very long time, I don't know if I would call him a Kissing Cousin..but I think he is, and I swore that we'd get married one day, when we were younger. I mean way younger, like Stephens age younger. I called him my boyfriend until third grade, even though he'd moved away, and out of my life a few years before that. Anyways, he'd posted something on his status, so I went to his page to read about it (he posted about Ipads, which im clueless, im not keeping up with those things, better not to..cause I'd probably want one) but I noticed his sister was on his friends list, so I went to her page, to add her. They aren't related to me, they are related to a relative..maybe a cousin by marriage? one of my blood cousins, they are his cousin. anyways so I have seen her around town, and shes one of those flawless gorgeous beauties, her picture appeared in several professional photographer studios that are local, and if I went to a homeshow in town, they had moved back to florida probably when I was in high school (which is a weekend long program where local businesses go to to give away freebies and promote their business, its actually very fun) I would see her picture in a photography booth. Anyways, so I'm on her page, and to my total shock, I find out shes a singer, she has a website, a twitter, fan's, and has been in competitions and all sorts of things, and has a album coming out, I listened to her first single and shes really good. total shock, I remember the little girl she was, with the knobby knees and crooked teeth and her teasing me about her brother. With all of the things she's done so far, and her brother, he's a doctor now. and reflecting on other people I know, the things they are doing, people I went to school with, sat next to in class, who are doing all sorts of things, it kinda made me sit back and reflect on my own life.

All of the choices I made, have led me to this point in my life right now, and I wouldn't trade it for the world, but there are some choices that I really wish I hadn't made. I wish I'd gone away to college, experienced college in another state, in a dorm, changing majors like I'd change underwear, living on ramen noodles and cramming for exams. I wish I hadn't dropped out of college after the first year, because I was too busy going to parties and goofing off. I regret some of the relationships I've been in, I really screwed up with some of them. I love Stephen more than anything in the world, but I wish I could have had him at a different time, properly with my husband, and a good job, certainly not with the sperm donor. I wouldn't have wasted so much time on my last Ex..he was a total screw up of mine, and I'd sell my soul to take that one back. It makes me wonder if I applied myself hard in high school to fill out college applications, and gone away, where would I be now, what would I be doing? There's never really been anything that I totally shined at, I enjoy reading and for a brief period of time loved writing, but reading the things I wrote back then, the stories were just plain ridiculous, and I can't see myself sitting down and actually typing out a novel, full of details and dialog and plots. I could probably see myself as a editor or something. but probably life would have a way of leading you back here, i'd probably have done something stupid and ended right back here with the same things going on. It's just shocking I think to look at some of the people you grew up with, and spent years sitting next to in school doing all of these different things, and the things you've done and wonder if things could be different if you had made different choices.

anyways I better get moving, time to get my husband up. he's a bit of a insomniac, and was up too late, but he starts working tomorrow, so he needs to wake up early rather than sleeping all day.

oops..bad mommy

I'm a bad blogger owner. The thing I loved most about myspace and blogging on there, I used to go on myspace all the time, and it was easy enough to remember to blog. when I have a seperate blog somewhere else, I forget about it. I know I have this long extensive blog somewhere, I think livejournal. but i dont have the slightest clue what my signon is and password, so its sitting out there in oblivion to go down in the internet disposal, forgotten, with 12 inches of dust on it. but anyways, not much has happened, yet so much has happened.

Stephen has started kindergarten, my baby. I have no words to express how sad and yet happy I am about this. Last night my husband and I were cleaning out our computer room, which tends to kina get overwhelmed with junk, its a room we stash stuff in when we are quickly cleaning the house, to get things out of the way. I found a folder that I guess my mom had given me, it was my school years in a nutshell..all of my report cards, awards, programs, ribbons and things like that. it was insanely interesting to read my final report cards from kindergarten all the way up to 11th grade (12th is in a seperate box that i have stored away for my senior memories) and apparently I was one of those bright young children who have zero interest in school until middle school. My entire elementary school report card commentary has things like "she needs to pay attention, she needs to do her homework, science holds zero interest in her" blahblah my report cards were filled up with D's and C's. in my early years apparently i didnt like reading but i liked math. then it changed when I got to 5th grade, I had things on my report card like "her grades would go up if she would stop reading in class and pay attention to new lessons" once I hit Mrs. Strassers class, all of it changed. Sixth grade..the one teacher I can definitely contribute to my turnaround, I don't know why, or if its because of the group of friends I made, or the teacher, probably a combination of both, but I started caring about what was going on around me.

looking back on my school years, and having zero memories of much of it, I can honestly say that I hope with all of my heart that even though Stephen is 100% my child, he has all of my best and worst habits, I hope that he will not follow my footsteps in school, as far as bad grades and not paying attention. he seems to be doing well so far, so heres to hoping.

Jesse lost his job again, his position was eliminated. and he has child support coming out of his unemployment..money is very tight..by tuesday our electric will be shut off. I dont have the money for my car anymore, we have 14 dollars in our account to get us through two weeks until my next unemployment check comes in. we went to dinner with my dad the other night, and while talking about what we were going to do with ourselves, jesse mentioned moving to new york. now the idea has settled in my head. I dont want to take stephen away from his new school that he likes so much, or his Papa, but if Jesse can definately get the job up there that he thinks he can get, we need it. if we are at the point where i owe three car payments and FPL has given us notice that we have four days to come up with the money to pay the electric or it will shut off. if we are at that point, the next thing we will loose is our house. i am beyond stressed out about every single thing going on negative in our life, and jesse has this amazing habit of saying "it'll be alright" and moving about his life and not really talking about it. im trying to figure out what to do, tomorrow when the pawn shop opens up I plan to take as many things as I can out of this house and pawning it. as much as I love and use my ipod, ill have to pawn it. as much as i love and use my camera, ill have to pawn it. hopefully things will turn around for us one day, im tired of bad luck constantly following us around. and theres a huge chance that after tuesday i wont be online much anymore, and that shortly ill be moving to new york.

my son is going nuts with things so i better get off and pay attention to him before he destroys the house.