Halloween is a thing of the past..Thanksgiving has come and gone, and now here we are, down to the final countdown, the big huge Mack Truck is on its way to run me over. actually it feels like it already has. it's day one of that stupid month that has come upon me way too quick. Christmas decorations are slowly but surely coming together. But I am WAY too bah humbug to care about it. I turn on the radio hoping to get into the mood, and all I want to do is throw the radio into the river. Santa Baby can just go drown himself in the Halifax River (unless he brings me all that I want..and Im not asking much..not like Marilyn Monroe was).
On the surface everything is coming along smoothly. Decorations are going up, Rocko is back (our elf on the shelf) and a few things have been bought.
I have completed some shopping. I went out on black friday not in the wee hours of the morning like some people do, but I was out. I got a few things with the few dollars I had..mostly it was for my stepchildren, not that I will get the privilege of watching them open what I so carefully picked out. Which I'm starting to get a little bit bitter about..I always have been, but I tried to stay out of it, let my husband and the ex deal with issues with themselves, cause every time I try to help nothing really happens. Apparently she doesn't want me around much, probably cause she wants to sink her ugly fat claws back into my husband again..but whatever. So in the meantime, the innocent bystanders are the children and me. They will probably think that I'm keeping their daddy away from them, and eventually come to resent and hate me (ahh..the memories of being the stepdaughter) but thats a whole other rant...the situation with the ex and kids and me and jesse.
so anyways..I did do a little shopping, got a few things for jesses kids and managed to sneak one or two small things in the cart for Stephen. nothing exciting mostly stuff that is $1, small stuff..but the way things are looking stephen probably won't get much:( but at least he'll get a few things from some family/friends. My hope though is to raise enough money to at least get one of the big ticket items on his list so that "santa" can bring him what he wants for christmas.
I had a hard thanksgiving, I spent most of it by myself cooking because jesse went to spend a few hours with his kids and stephen spent a few hours outside with the dirt. My first thanksgiving without my mom, or my dad really..it was very hard. Very emotional, I cried a lot, and while the dinner turned out pretty good, and it was a nice dinner to have as our first thanksgiving as a family, but it was sad that i couldnt see my family:( Christmas is going to be even worse for me I think. At least I'll see my dad, but it's going to be hard, and I really am not looking forward to it.
and right now, with our bank account negative, rent due today, bills all due up, and the big holiday coming up, I just want to bury my head underground and wait until january 1st comes up to surface. i'm stressed out wondering how I'll be able to buy sugar for the cookies I usually make for Christmas, let alone some 40 dollar toy stephen absolutely MUST have from santa. things will work out, they have a way of doing so, but right now i feel like im staring down a huge Mack Truck with no chance of escape. *sigh*
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