Sorry!

okay..just wanted to apologize to everyone for my constant woe is me LOL i think this time of the year is the WORST. and it seems like its just harder this year than normal, because my mom wont be in town, and economicwise and all that. im trying to keep positive it's probably going to be hard LOL but im trying!

i called student loans, it just started up again..it was deferred the past six months..i cant afford to pay it right now, and my unemployment runs out either this week or december 15th..not sure, i think i might have ONE more week to claim then its done. so anywyas about the student loan.I got the paperwork for that filled out and in the mailbox ready to go, hopefully it'll continue to be deferred.

I called toys for tots to try once again to get on the list, but i think it'll probably be too late. I was hoping if i dropped my maiden name in some conversations i'll get somewhere (shame on me! but sometimes my family has influence in this town) and i just found out that my dad had invited all of my stepsisters to the margarita ball this year..which is a charity event for toys for tots where you are required to bring 50.00 worth of toys to this tux and gown event..its exclusive and invite only all the rich people go there every year. anyways my two uncles, two aunts, dad, stepmom, cousin and his wife and their 18 year old daughter, my two stepsisters and their husbands all got to go, so i figured with that many family members maybe my maiden name would be like ohh yeah they are the ones that all brought all those toys! but i got the run around and ended up having to leave another message. i bet they are swamped. the whole margarita ball thing is a sore spot. maybe dad didn't invite me because he didnt want me to stress out about a dress and buying a toy to bring or whatever. i should be used to being excluded, no matter what good intentions there are. and it kills me that at 29 years of age, things like that still hurt. thing is, i would have liked to have been asked. I do have a dress. does dad really think i like seeing him all beeming and smiley at the arms of his family while i sat at home clueless that this was even going on? i thought i was supposed to be a part of that family as well, it would have been nice to have been at least invited, if anything i coulda had the chance to say yes i'd love to go, or no, i can't right now. to be thought of is a lot better than being left out totally. whatever, ill get over it. anyways..

i called the city police department..jesse told me that they donate toys and stuff around the city..and since our city is like so tiny that if you blink you drive through it, maybe i'd have better chance than toys for tots..so the chief of police is supposed to call me back to give me details. i was gunna ask her too if i could donate stephesn toys, the old ones that he never plays with that are still in excellent shape.

so ive gotten a little bit accomplished so far today! put itn a few new job apps that i saw opened up on some of the websites i usually job hunt. i need a fax machine lol life would be so much easier.