I'm a bad blogger owner. The thing I loved most about myspace and blogging on there, I used to go on myspace all the time, and it was easy enough to remember to blog. when I have a seperate blog somewhere else, I forget about it. I know I have this long extensive blog somewhere, I think livejournal. but i dont have the slightest clue what my signon is and password, so its sitting out there in oblivion to go down in the internet disposal, forgotten, with 12 inches of dust on it. but anyways, not much has happened, yet so much has happened.
Stephen has started kindergarten, my baby. I have no words to express how sad and yet happy I am about this. Last night my husband and I were cleaning out our computer room, which tends to kina get overwhelmed with junk, its a room we stash stuff in when we are quickly cleaning the house, to get things out of the way. I found a folder that I guess my mom had given me, it was my school years in a nutshell..all of my report cards, awards, programs, ribbons and things like that. it was insanely interesting to read my final report cards from kindergarten all the way up to 11th grade (12th is in a seperate box that i have stored away for my senior memories) and apparently I was one of those bright young children who have zero interest in school until middle school. My entire elementary school report card commentary has things like "she needs to pay attention, she needs to do her homework, science holds zero interest in her" blahblah my report cards were filled up with D's and C's. in my early years apparently i didnt like reading but i liked math. then it changed when I got to 5th grade, I had things on my report card like "her grades would go up if she would stop reading in class and pay attention to new lessons" once I hit Mrs. Strassers class, all of it changed. Sixth grade..the one teacher I can definitely contribute to my turnaround, I don't know why, or if its because of the group of friends I made, or the teacher, probably a combination of both, but I started caring about what was going on around me.
looking back on my school years, and having zero memories of much of it, I can honestly say that I hope with all of my heart that even though Stephen is 100% my child, he has all of my best and worst habits, I hope that he will not follow my footsteps in school, as far as bad grades and not paying attention. he seems to be doing well so far, so heres to hoping.
Jesse lost his job again, his position was eliminated. and he has child support coming out of his unemployment..money is very tight..by tuesday our electric will be shut off. I dont have the money for my car anymore, we have 14 dollars in our account to get us through two weeks until my next unemployment check comes in. we went to dinner with my dad the other night, and while talking about what we were going to do with ourselves, jesse mentioned moving to new york. now the idea has settled in my head. I dont want to take stephen away from his new school that he likes so much, or his Papa, but if Jesse can definately get the job up there that he thinks he can get, we need it. if we are at the point where i owe three car payments and FPL has given us notice that we have four days to come up with the money to pay the electric or it will shut off. if we are at that point, the next thing we will loose is our house. i am beyond stressed out about every single thing going on negative in our life, and jesse has this amazing habit of saying "it'll be alright" and moving about his life and not really talking about it. im trying to figure out what to do, tomorrow when the pawn shop opens up I plan to take as many things as I can out of this house and pawning it. as much as I love and use my ipod, ill have to pawn it. as much as i love and use my camera, ill have to pawn it. hopefully things will turn around for us one day, im tired of bad luck constantly following us around. and theres a huge chance that after tuesday i wont be online much anymore, and that shortly ill be moving to new york.
my son is going nuts with things so i better get off and pay attention to him before he destroys the house.
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