reminiscing

You know what drives me absolutely nuts?  It's feeling nostalgic.   It leads to memories, which makes me question my choices in life.

I have an ex.  I think that I started on the wrong path in life when I broke up with him.  I've kept in touch all these years, remained friends.  Talked a lot throughout the years, more lately, I guess, with the ease of texting and facebook being at the tip of my fingers wherever I go.  So talking to him so much, and kinda coming to a closure as far as the bad breakup, forgiveness and all that fun stuff, I find myself thinking of the days when life was good, and it was, with him, i loved him bunches and bunches.  I think we were both too young, had too much growing up to do.

For some reason today I started thinking about how we would go to these computer conventions.  wandering around booths and booths of computer parts and stuff that was beyond me.  It was bloody fun!  and then driving all over creation looking for me a used book store.  Going to the irish pub down the road.  fun things like that.  It got me thinking.. what if?   what if I stayed with him?  what if?  wonder where I would be today?  It's so weird thinking about that, how every single thing I have done in my life, the choices that I have made, have brought me to this point in time.  Does everything happen for a reason?  Or are we predestined to make the choices we make?  I'd love to see the alternate reality.  lol.

Don't get me wrong, I would go back and do the same thing all over again, because I can't imagine my life without Stephen.  I just can't, its not possible.  He is my life.  I was living for nothing until I had him, and now I'm alive.

Then lets say my ex decides he wants to try again, moves down, we get back together, all that stuff that happens in the happy ever after of true love in the books.  what would the relationship be like? now that its been years later, 9 years since we split.  I know they say you can't really have what you used to have back, that people break up for a reason.  I cant help the wierd crap my mind was spinning today.  Alternative realities, and do-overs and all that wierd stuff.

Just been thinking about this hard, had to write it down.  it'd be a good book?  If only i felt like writing a book.  someone ghost write it for me:)