I think I hate thanksgiving.

Two years ago today, probably right about this time (9:55am) I get a call from the volusia county sheriff.  I was at my job, entrusting my husband to watch my son, just for a few hours until I could get home and cook thanksgiving dinner.  I'd left the number to the house I was at on the fridge, Stephen led the sheriff to the fridge so he could call me.  They'd found my husband overdosed naked on the side of the road.  my son by himself at the house.  It came out later that my husband sold my laptop, and a friends laptop that we were fixing,  to the local drug dealer took my son to the house to purchase the drugs, proceeded to continue driving around with him, then later, left him alone to do whatever.  DCF was called, after my husband was taken to the hospital, and I had to run home in my employers car, find a place to put stephen, because i was advised that it would be not good to have my son there when jesse got out of the hospital. i spent the entire thanksgiving day crying because i couldnt spend it with my son, my husband, or cook turkey.  Thats also the last time I watched the parade.  I watched it with my employer until I got the call.

Last thanksgiving I spent the morning in the airport, got my mom, she spent it with me, i cooked, it was decent..I had a lot of fun, even the guy I was seeing at the time came over and ate with us i think? or was that the day after, I don't remember.  LOL im getting old.

This thanksgiving my mom is down here living with her husband.  I love having my mom close.  I think though, that since thanksgiving was my favorite holiday growing up, it would continue being my favorite holiday, parade, food, football.  but he wants to watch maury.  and he says "if i want to watch maury in my own house on my own tv on thanksgiving, I will"  so whatever.  im back in the bedroom with my kid watching cartoons on the hub.  no parade, no family time.  whatever.  i miss when I was a kid, going to my grandmas house, eating food watching tv, ending the meal with lots of deserts and christmas deserts to bring in the christmas season.  I really miss my grandma.  I miss my grandfather too.  I wish, more than anything I could go back in time to see them, just one more time.

in the meantime, I think im done with this blasted holiday.  I don't believe in it anymore.